For years, I mis-sang the lyrics to Rock the Casbah. You might have guessed; I would belt out Rock the Cashbox! It made sense to me. Who wouldn’t want to rock that? I didn’t realize what the true lyrics were until my husband (at that time, boyfriend) ever so gingerly corrected me to the actual words which just also happens to be the title of the song.🤦🏼♀️ He will not let me forget this blunder, so I’ll proudly own up to it to you as well. Now, before you laugh too hard, I’ll have you know that this song made it on the list of 30 Misheard Song Lyrics Everyone Gets Wrong, so I’m not alone in my mishap. Never mind that the misheard lyric is Lock the taskbar and not what I thought it was. Have you ever misheard what someone said to you? Maybe someone totally misheard what you said. It happens all of the time. Literally, every day in my house of four people and a dog. There are moments when my family doesn’t know if I’m talking to them or our dog – sometimes they have to ask who I’m talking to. I’ve learned (probably, the hard way) to first get the attention of who I want to talk to. Often, I just start speaking even if I’m in the next room and expect them to know that I need them to listen. Would you agree that miscommunication lies at the heart of just about every relational conflict? When you’re unable to communicate with someone and it feels like you just keep missing each other, it can move from frustration to anger very quickly. And, unfortunately, it can end in resentment on both sides and potentially lead to an unsalvageable relationship. Nobody starts a relationship with the thought, “I really hope that this ends badly because of arguments and misunderstandings!” But many of us have experienced a broken relationship due to miscommunication. True communication is not one way. True communication is the sending of information AND receiving it. We all send information, but how the other person receives it could be very different than what you intended – and vice versa. We get it wrong probably more times than we get it right. Whether it's at home or at work, you are communicating with the people around you. Don’t you want to get it right? A GiANT tool that helps with getting it right is called the Communication Codes. There are 5 different types of communication codes:
Critique
Collaborate
Clarify
Care
Celebrate
Each one refers to a various response you are expecting from the other person. What if you told them on the front end what you’re hoping they will do with the information you send? For example, if I send the critique communication code ahead of what I'm going to say with, “I have a new idea, but I want you to critique it. I really want you to ask difficult questions on why this may or may not work. Don’t hold back.” I'm giving that person permission to critique my work and I'm ready for it. We all have our own natural default ways of sending and receiving information. My default way of sending is the celebrate code. If I share something, I really want you to enjoy the moment with me. When I receive your information, I typically receive it via the collaborate code – you want me to join in and talk about it, right? Can you see where communication can quickly breakdown? If your default to receive my information is critique and you launch in with a hundred questions and poke holes in my idea when all I want from you is to celebrate, we won’t be talking very long. And if I receive your information as collaborate, but you want care, then you are not interested in hearing my brilliant thoughts. It might sound silly at first to literally tell someone what your intent is for the conversation ahead of the transmission of information. But I speak from experience that it’s altered my conversations in my home. My husband and I share upfront what we want the other person to do when it’s necessary. I ask him to critique my new business ideas frequently and then I expect the hard questions. I recommend you watch this 6-minute video detailing each of the Communication Codes. You'll need to create a free Ascend account in GiANT, but then you’ll have access to all 70+ tools and other resources. After you learn more about each code, determine which are your defaults for sending and receiving communication. I’d love to hear what your default ones are and how this has helped you with your relationships.
"The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place." George Bernard Shaw